Open this photo in gallery: Illustration by Marley Allen-Ash First Person is a daily personal piece submitted by readers. Have a story to tell? See our guidelines at tgam. ca/essayguide. Having written several obituaries for family members over the years, I’m not keen on writing my own. However, I’d like to share some thoughts for anyone who ends up writing mine when the time comes. Here’s what I don’t want included when I pass away. To start with, please don’t use the words “courageous,” “courage,” or “bravely” when talking about how I handled the time leading up to my death. While I don’t think of myself as a coward, I’ve never been particularly brave either. I don’t downhill ski, never learned to surf and have no desire to climb mountains or jump from planes. If faced with a terminal illness, I will NOT fight valiantly. Instead, I’ll complain about it to anyone who’ll listen and blame life for being unfair. Similarly, saying that I lost my battle with [insert appropriate disease] or that it was hard fought would be misleading. There won’t be any battle; fighting isn’t likely to happen at all. For clarity on this matter, please refer back to the previous paragraph. Also, avoid terms like “passed” or “departed.” Passing is what happened when I moved from Grade 8 into Grade 9. Departed makes it sound like there was a choice involved-there wasn’t one. Died is straightforward and leaves nothing vague about it. If phrases like “entered into eternal rest” or “slipped away peacefully” cross your mind while drafting my obituary, please get rid of them before they hit the page. First Person: When I read the obits, I’m inspired by the single women and their well-lived lives While we’re on this topic, skip writing “gone to a better place” and “no longer with us.” The first phrase assumes something-I might disagree-and the second one is just plain obvious. “It was a blessing.” Really? Not for me! It might feel like one for those stuck dealing with me considering how I’ll act toward the end (complaining and blaming again!). Let’s also ditch “taken too soon.” This phrase should really apply only to younger folks or those who are young at heart. I’m not young and won’t be getting younger as time goes by. Too soon suggests that something wonderful was just about to happen… maybe winning the lottery or landing the Booker Prize? If so, let my heirs know; they could use any cash! “Will be forever remembered.” Honestly, this seems unlikely. It’s estimated that around 117 billion people have been born throughout history; very few get remembered-think Shakespeare, Mohammed, Mozart…the usual names come up here. If I’m lucky enough to be remembered at all, it’ll probably just be by my kids and grandkids along with any friends still around at that point-and that’s totally fine by me. Speaking of family-my husband was an amazing man whom I miss every single day-but please don’t call him my soulmate in writing! He was indeed that but it’s such an overused term now that it’s lost its meaning entirely. Let’s just say we spent four decades together without ever wanting to kill each other! Obituaries often bring out cliché phrases regarding someone’s character so let’s cut those off right now: “She was the life and soul of the party”: Sure-I can sometimes be lively depending on how much wine flows-but it’s not exactly my finest hour. “Was loved and respected by all”: All? There are definitely some math teachers who’d argue against that statement! “Never met a stranger who didn’t become a friend”: Oh come on! Living in a city means I’m surrounded by strangers; heck, I’m hardly acquainted with my neighbors across the hall.
“Lived life to the full”: That sounds exhausting! Just getting through life can already feel challenging-do we need more pressure?
“Her smile lit up the room”: Every time I see this phrase mentioned somewhere , I try picturing an actual smile brightening up space. How dark does everything needto actuallybe inorderforasmiletohaveanyimpact ? Andwhywouldsomeonebegrinningwhileeveryoneelseisdowncast ? Isn’tsomeonewhoactslikethatinacrowdobliviousorjustplainself-centered? Thatdoesn’tsoundlikemeandcertainlynotlikesomeone I’dwanttotalkwithatparties !
Finally , unless I’m foundcollapsedovermylaptopwithaglassofredwineinmyhand, Ididnotdiewhiledoingwhat Iloved.
Margie Taylor lives in Port Moody , B. C.Source link
